I wanted to cry in front of a woman I didn't even know.
As soon as I sat down for the Parent-Teacher conference with Vivian's Language Arts teacher, the first thing out of her mouth was, "Your daughter is . . .she's . . . (at this point I thought the teacher couldn't find the right word because she could barely speak English, but that wasn't the case) Vivian is different."
Now, anyone who has kids knows for a fact, that they do not want their kid to be different. We want normal, happy, normal kids. When I think different, I think back to 1st grade and Brandon B. who sat in the back because he ate paste and wrote with markers all over his scalp, when I think different I think of that anti-social girl whose name I can't remember because I was scared of her, who sat in the back of the room all by herself in Mrs. Monti's 3rd grade class....shit, when I think different, I think Jeffrey Dahmer, Ted Bundy, and Al Gore - I definitely don't want my kid among those different folk!
So, I ran home and told Jared that our sweet little Vivian was dubbed different. Ok, Ok, I was hysterical - on the way home I had started going over any medications I could think of in the hopes of making her normal, average, anything but different.
And you know what Jared said? He said that he and I weren't normal....that we were very different ourselves.....the asshole! Because I had already made a list of all the different, crazy-ass motherfuckers in his family whose "Crazy" genes he had leaked into our perfectly normal kids' gene pool!
And he was so goddamn right! Vivian is just like me and Jared - except she doesn't care if her differentness is visible on the outside. I had forgotten that Vivian was always different and that her differentness is what everyone really loves about her. I think I just wanted her to mold herself into that cute, smiley, normal preteen like I did at her age. The teacher said Vivian was different because she didn't interact with the other kids and didn't care about making friends. Vivian's response was, "Mom, the kids at school are A-holes, they always say I'm emo, and everyone has Bieber Fever." Ok, so I wouldn't wanna be friends with the little jerkoffs either! However, Vivian does wear her bangs swooped to the side in a pretty much semi-emo/goth/hide an eye/ kinda way, she does wear alot of black and dark colors, and yeah - she's into Japanese anime....so I guess she is pretty different.
I've always seen Vivian as a cool kid. One of my favorite things about Vivian is her self-confidence. Because, while Jared and I both had issues with that, we were able to somehow cultivate a strong sense of Self into our very different children. Even Vivian's teacher said Vivian wasn't at all bothered by the fact that everyone at school thinks shes different. So, I guess while other 11 year-old girls are reading Teen Beat (or whatever the hell girls are reading) its ok that Vivian hauls around The Poe Reader: A Complete Collection of Tales by Edgar Allen Poe (it was my favorite when I was a kid, that and The Shining) and her new fav "The Dictionary of The Undead" because its what she likes.....as long as she doesn't start animal sacrifices or run home from school drenched in pig's blood and vowing revenge - everythings OK. Right? I love that she's different - she's funny as hell, smart, quick witted, and beautiful.....I'm proud of her. You know what her P.E. clothes say on them? Each kid has to write their name on their P.E. clothes and when I washed her outfit, I read the shirt and yeah, her name was written in big bold letters right across the front of her shirt: Vivian "Awesome Pants" Marchant.
I don't think I'm all that worried about having a different kid if it means she's Vivian "Awesome Pants" Marchant!
