Roundtrip Ticket

I don't know what the hell I was thinking taking a trip down memory lane, via Facebook. I've read a number of articles about how that very same method of transportation can lead to serious obstacles, and perhaps, even passage into desolate terrain! (Spooky)

Although my travels lead me looping through winding tunnels of memories and ascending peaks of forlorn contemplation - unsuspectingly, my procession pulled back into its unfailing, and very stable, station. I came back to Home.

I found an old friend, does anyone else do that? Pour salt in an old wound? So, I found this old friend of mine, who was one of my most favorite people ever. She moved away Freshman year and I haven't seen her in 13 years.....damn - I sound like an old Grandma. Anyway, she was one of my first best friends, and the sad thing is that Ive only had a few close friends, and one of them I had children with! Therefore, I must be such a fukin' hypocrite; preaching to Vivian about the importance of making (and keeping) friends, while my idea of "going out" is drinking with my friend from work while her esthetician-mother does my facials and waxing!! Next I'll be partying with the mail lady as she delivers my mail, and drinking with my GYNO every March. Do I need to get out more? Yes. Because I'm turning into a bitter old lady.... and Jared's too good looking to be with a cougar.

I learned two new things at dinner tonight:

#1) My mother collects (among many other things) temporary tattoos from gumball machines. Tonight at the dinner table she just happen to conveniently whip out a stack of temporary tattoos (rubber banded together the way the mafia and rappers keep $100 bills). You name it, she had it; dragons, flowers, crosses, crosses surrounded by flowers, skulls, "little homies," gang tagging, rainbows for the gays, skulls with guns, skulls with snakes coming out of the eyes, naked women, naked men - you name it, she had it in a temporary tattoo. I think she must have "invested" thousands of dollars worth of quarters into this "collection."  This discovery generated two different emotions; 1.) admiration - for the kind of fervor one must have, in order to continue to build such a wealth of unique specimens, and 2.) shock and terror - that someone would waste so much of their life and money purchasing, and then idolizing, such pieces of absolutely worthless shit. At that moment I seriously pondered my mother's sanity....

What the fuck, man! My mom has this omnipresent delusion that there will be some sort of catastrophic disaster and the fate of mankind will lay in her possessing a magical, celestial,  last-of-its-kind low rider el camino tattoo, which she alone will possess somewhere amongst the stack of other priceless artifacts.......

and

#2.) Mikey likes to make announcements. Sporadically, at random intervals, Mikey made a number of announcements; when we sat down at our table he announced he "had to go pee, NOW!" When our food came he announced to all who could hear that Jared and I were "eating disgusting food." When he was done eating his rice, he announced it was "time to go home." When my mom pissed him off because she wouldn't share her temporary tattoos with him, he announced that she was a "caca jerk caca" . . . . and then his departing announcement as he walked out of the restaurant - "I just farted!"

FUN AT THE PARK

The other night at the dinner table, we were all talking about how our day was: Jared was telling me about how great Mikey is at Baseball - that earlier in the day Mikey was hitting home runs! I look at Mikey to confirm this good news, and while chewing his steak (or whatever it was Jared had cooked for dinner) Mikey smiles and nods in agreement as if saying, "Yes mother, I am a young Derek Jeter." Jared and Mikey go on to describe their fun and exciting athletic excursions they've engaged in: the Baseball; the home runs; the fastballs Mikey was pitching; Mikey’s pristine ability to hit a fastball and a curve ball; and Mikey’s amazing talents that have been genetically passed down to him from Jared.  As Jared tells me about this day of robust, adventure-filled, action-packed, energetic fun (the baseball, the pitching, the hitting, the running, the sweating, the falling-down-and-getting-back-ups, the HOME RUNS) I finally ask . . . . “Wow, so, how long were you guys at the park?” Then, Mikey and Jared give each other a puzzled look, and Mikey says, “We didn’t go to the park, Mom. Me and Dad play IN THE HOUSE!” ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………