No Shoes, No Shirt - No Problem!

I’ve concluded that many of today’s husbands are under the misguided delusion that their wives are (on top of being working mothers, maids, cooks, seamstresses, chauffeurs, personal assistants, and, at times, psychologists) ampm mini-markets. Simply put – we are always open for business, and not just ANY business – sexy business. Apparently, many wives are so bored with their days that they have absolutely nothing better to do than come home after 12 hours of non-stop working activities and clean the house, cook dinner, bathe the children, help with homework, put the children to bed, beautify themselves, and give their husbands  hours of submissive intercourse. Wives are walking, talking, warm blooded ampm’s – they are always open, they don’t care if you're dirty, if it’s the middle of the night, if there’s a tornado about to hit, if it's a holiday - ampm’s are never closed for business. If only I could be like my fellow ampm wives. . .ha ha ha!

First Blog of 2012

Last year ended with me asleep by 9:30 - the new year has begun with me sick, the 20-somethings at working calling me "Mom," and Mikey calling his father a "son of a bitch," hmmmm, should be interesting . . .

Ride the Human Crutch

don't we all have a crutch? - a human crutch we lean on every once in a while when our own two knees begin to wobble and buckle? and what is wrong with that? what is wrong with reaching out and asking for help? yes, the feeling of helplessness is acknowledged, but isn't that better than absolute defeat. don't we all need a partner every once in a while? don't we all need help sometimes? advice? another set of rose-colored glasses to help better decipher our own delusions of grandeur? we should all be so lucky to have a crutch, or two, or three. without them, we'd never be able to get back up after being knocked down!

I want you to hold me -

even though I fight.

Tie me down if you have to

and cover me with kisses,

until I’m bruised and can sleep.

Wear Your Seat Belt

Love – the world’s biggest vulnerability ever. Just stay clear, love is a worm hole of catastrophe. There's nothing worse than the leftovers of emotion, the discovery of Nothing, finding the small man behind the curtain – it's like the lights coming on when having sex with an unattractive person. Keep those lights off, keep that heart closed – it's  safer that way. And this advice is free . . .

You know what’s scary? When you wake up from a night of heavy drinking and your husband (or whoever) thanks you for the great sex, and then asks if you’re “okay.” Sometimes it’s just better not knowing…