We used to have time, and more importantly – privacy. Not any more. It’s almost an inevitable certainty that once you get married and have children – your sex life, your ANY life will, without a doubt, revolve around your kids. From what time you get up, to how long you have to take a shit – everything is determined by your bloodsucking children. I had great plans for tonight, but instead of grownup time, I’ve got Vivian in our bed reading every single Poe poem aloud, Jared reciting Poe in a Pirate dialect, Mikey dressed in nothing but underwear and a Captain America getup while waving a shield and putting marbles and small toys into Jared’s belly button (as Jared recites ‘A Dream Within A Dream’ in Jack Sparrow character), the dogs rubbing their bodies on the carpet and stealing Baby’s stash of smelly scraps, NFL highlights blaring in the background, the phone ringing with calls from bill collectors, and of course – every light in the house is on. Somewhere in this Zoo someone gets hurt, someone is crying because someone else isn’t playing fair, or someone got a little too rough and followed through with a Ninja kick…..and that’s our nightly charade. So by the time I finally have peace and quiet and climb into bed, I have to remember to dust off the animal cookie crumbs, return all the hidden toys and trucks and weapons to their designated areas, it’s been another long, long, long day. And as I lay my tired head down, I go to remove whatever is causing a lump under my pillow and find it’s a sippy cup of milk…..from breakfast.
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