Internal, Unspoken Thought Of The Day

"You feel so good - like a new set of batteries."

NickJr or Porn? There's a fine line.

You guys know I have bad eyes. The other night I thought I was putting on "Ni Hao Kai Lan" for Mikey - it was Japanese porn. Relax, relax, keep your panties on he didn't see anything. It was during a 'dialogue' scene anyway. But c'mon they need to label that shit a little better! (It was channel 742 if you have Time Warner by the way)

Monday

delicate lips

lyrical smile

smooth

smooth

curves

soft

soft

melody 

electric touch

eyes convene

briefly

fleeting

passing

passing

gone

lost

dissipate

dissolve

quiet.

Batteries NOT Included

I can’t be the only one. Seriously, you know you’ve done it too. I’m not the only one guilty of frantically rummaging through every electronic toy owned by one’s child, like a junkie looking for a taste of smack, trying to find a few new batteries with just enough juice to  -  nah, I’m not alone!

Since the dawn of the working woman, self “pleasurvation” has been a necessity. How are women to manage Work, Home, Husbands, Weigh Gain, and Fatigue, without some sort of personal – release? It can be an embarrassing topic, even taboo, for some women – for others, we can meet at the bar and compare vibrator mishaps, tips, and even jokes!

Now, timing is everything. As we all know, no one wants to rush through a good thing; we never fast forward through a Ryan Reynolds body scene, or skim through the hot sex scenes in “Fifty Shades,” nor do we cram chocolate French Silk pie down our gullet in a food frenzy. We. Take. Our. Time. Unless, of course you don’t have any – in that case it’s every clitoris for itself! So, if you’ve got 9 whole minutes while the spaghetti noodles are cooking then use 8 of those minutes to relax! Guilt free. Because you’ve earned it; all the chauffeuring, cooking, and “woman-ing” has earned you a free pass, a Golden Glorious Ticket, a Token, a credit, a moment to your fucking self. A moment to breathe. Maybe even laugh. Enjoy it, but remember what the box says – “Batteries NOT Included.”